human behavior

Succulent in name alone

Posted in Habits & Manners by humanb on October 25, 2009

Tonight we celebrated my mother-in-law’s 66th birthday. My mother-in-law is a highly intellectual, widely accomplished and decidedly cultured woman. She claims federal ministers and premiers as friends. She’s met the leaders of a number of nations. She’s fluent in German and French and has visited more countries than I have towns. She’s read more books this year than I have this decade, and is regularly solicited for her opinion. And she’s a consummate chef in her own kitchen.

So I thought I should make her a dirt cake.

The dirt cake is not really a cake. It’s just alternating layers of creme filling and ground Oreo cookie. The cream layers are made of sugar and every manifestation of dairy – cream cheese, milk, whipped cream and butter. The Oreo cookie layers are just an obscene amount of Oreo cookies ground up to look like dirt.

Obviously, your top layer must be Oreo dirt, and the whole concoction must be contained within a flower pot or some other object that would typically hold dirt. Then you add some gummy worms poking their heads out to the surface and stick a flower in the sucker.

And voilà!


I have a wide selection of succulents in my house, so I thought I would go for what I know here. Plus, for such a woman as she, a well-manicured succulent garden better suits I think.

Alas, the dirt cake was not a huge success. My cream layers were runny, my dirt layers soggy, and my gummy worms mushy after hours buried in that mess.


My dirt cake was dirt goo. It flowed easily down the kitchen drain like a mud slide; but not before my mother-in-law had finished her allotted portion with espresso, and expressed her heartfelt thanks.

And that’s what makes her impressive.

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One Response

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  1. mike rankin said, on November 10, 2009 at 1:18 am

    i think if you had enough milk you could get most of that dirt cake down even if you have to first smoke a pound of weed. but your dirt cake is probley the best home made compost ever!

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